Testing...Testing...

Ok, so I still haven't figured out what is going on with those pictures...sooo I am going to post a few random pictures of my kiddies as a test to see if they turn out right...so here we go! ( don't mind the picture quality...I was using my momma's camera for most of them )

And the first photo is of my son sleeping...I know, I know he is on his stomach... he rolls over on his tummy while he sleeps ( I checked with the dr. and he said it was ok, and that if he was old enough to continually do it, it should be safe/fine. ) it still worries me :S Anyways...I still thought it was a sweet photo. Oh, aaand he isn't bald. His hair is just very white :)


The last set are of my daughter @ a Fancy Nancy Tea Party held @ our local library last weekend. ( oh, and one of me making silly faces )

Is it sad....? ( and a question for you all ? )

That I am overly excited about a yummy new treasure of a restaurant that recently opened in my town ?? Maybe...but when you live in a small town that rarely surprises you, a place serving sushi and bento's is enough to send me over the edge!!!! Ok, so their sushi list is VERY limited, and it is comparable to buffet sushi or grocery store sushi, but when it's the only place in town that serves it... it's still pretty magical! But don't get me wrong the food is GREAT...the sushi was actually my least favorite part...I had a deeeelicious bento, and soup...and the decor was adorable!! Annnd...THEY DELIVER! Seriously, this is RARE in my town...the only places that deliver are pizza places, and one Chinese place! I guess this post really doesn't make a difference to most of you ( other than disco cheese ), but I am just soooo excited :D

In other news I picked up two adorable shirts today, and am excited!! I also ordered Daria, and bought some yummy perfume! All in all not a bad day...even if my boyfriend was a total jerkface and made me cry. This weekend is going to be filled with more cleaning :( I can't wait until I have more free time to finish decorating my blog, and can really sit down and write up some posts other than my happenings of the day. :) I hope you will all continue to follow me as I attempt to fall into some sort of blogging groove. I will also try to start adding photo's, because blog posts are so much more fun when they have pictures :)

I hope you all have a faaaabulous weekend! Hopefully more posts soon!!


( here is my question...my photo's are saved and stored on my computer the right direction but for some reason when I post them here they are showing up upside down...am I a total idiot and missing something??? )

Ooops!

I messed up some comment setting and apparently no one could...comment that is! :( I think the problem is fixed now. Again, I am so very sorry...Thanks for the heads up guys!!! I appreciate it.


Also, I am planning on posting more later ( hopefully )....Not too much to say, but I ate at a really adorable place today and I am excited to share! I especially cant wait to show my pics to my buddy Lada Aka Disco Cheese!

Better late than never....

So, after posting two whole blogs without an official introduction I suppose it is time to introduce myself to the blogging world :) ( I am tempted to take my first two posts down, because I came off pretty whiny, and unfriendly in the first, and that is def. not who I am day to day )

Lets begin!

I am Heather! I am a 25 year old stay at home mommy of two wonnnderful children! Leelah-5, and Lennon-8 months. I have a boyfriend/fiance, ( whatever you wanna call him )who I have been with 2 years, and I love him to death! He is my total polar opposite, and makes me angry every single day... but somehow we work together. I have two step children ( even though the bf and I aren't married, we ARE a family. ) who keep me BUSY during their visits, and despite my frustrations, love them VERY much.

What I enjoy...

I love to read, and we frequently make visits to the library and are involved in the many wonderful library programs our local library offers...it makes me heart happy to have a daughter who loves to "read" as much as I do! I enjoy cooking/baking, and collecting all sorts of kitchen gadgets...especially dishes! I am a huuuuge fan of colorful dishes, but am too broke to buy Fiestaware...therefore I have made it my mission to find colorful beautiful dishes at thrift stores at a majjjjor fraction of the cost! I love crafting, and collecting. I am not super talented at sewing just yet, but with my handy dandy Hello Kitty sewing machine I am determined that one day I will be. Next is photography...I LOVE it. It is my passion...I don't let the fact that I have a really super sucky camera stand in my way! I photograph everything I possibly can, and am super excited that my secretagentloverman will be getting me a nicer one next Christmas! I love movies, and music, and so many other things, but most of all I love being a mother. It is everything to me. Seriously.

Also...

I am a big girl...Meaning, I am fat and if you read my previous post ( despite my negative attitude in it...) I am ok with it most days... I am not going to lie, I have days where I would give anything to be able to fit into certain things, and wish I felt a little more sexy...but I accept who I am, and try and love myself no matter what. I look at so many blogs here and see how cute, and even sexy these girls are and it gives me inspiration to try and give myself a chance instead of giving up... ( even if I do have those days where I want to )

Oops!
I also forgot to mention that I looooooove thriftstore shopping, and bargain hunting! It is truly on of my great passions! Money is sometimes tight around here...you know, since we have 4 children total, being thrifty is a major priority to me.

For now that is pretty much all I can think of...although I am sure there is much more, but my achy flu ridden body/mind doesn't seem to have the energy to dig to much deeper :) If you have any questions I would love to answer them, and wouldn't mind doing a random survey here and there either ( they often seem to have quirky questions that I enjoy answering! ) so feel free to ask away :)


P.S. My blog is still under a lot of construction...I haven't quite worked out what sort of theme I am going for...if any, and am trying to figure everything out! Please stick with me while I figure all of this out!!

Daria...

I am sad because as I suspected the Daria box set including the t-shirt is sold out! How will I ever continue on ?? HOW I ASK YOU!?!

Anyways...today is a day of pj's and King of the Hill! (Even though that's not much different than any other day for us.) Leelah woke up sick this morning and didn't feel well enough to go to preschool, so I told her to put her gown back on and pick out a movie...and she picked "Hank Hill" ( as she calls it )! So today is one of those days where laying around being lazy feels even more amazing than usual because it was unexpected! Those days are the best, even when I was young and in school myself, nothing felt better than a day when I got to stay home from school and snuggle in my blankets for hours and hours...even if I was actually sick!

In other news...

My house is gradually getting cleaner...My bf has promised that if I clean our house really really well that I can call the satellite people and have them come and hook us up! I am not really big on TV, but there are a few shows I can't wait to watch again! Not to mention having the Food Network back! Yesss. I live out in the middle of nowhere and cable isn't available, so I am forced to have super terrible internet, and satellite....( Oh, great. Now I am going to be singing Hanson songs in my head all day now. )but I am still grateful to be getting anything at at all! However...I am a super slow cleaner, and it's not too easy with a teething baby..(eep), so it's taking me a little longer than it probably should, and bf is getting impatient...even though he isn't ever home, and doesn't get to watch it anyways..??? Hmm.

I guess I am just going to accept that this is our home for the next year or so...( I live in the woods in a home I own that is waaaay too tiny, and falling apart )until we can save up the money to buy something better. Has anyone ever lived somewhere that makes them just feel crappy in general?? That sorta drains the life out of you ?? Ok, maybe I am just crazy, but not being happy with my surroundings drastically affects my mood. It's not fun. Point of this story is that I am going to do my best to make this time better, happier. I made a list of things to do around the house, and to buy to maybe make it a little more livable...I will share that list a little later today, but for now I suppose I am going to go try to figure out a yummy sick friendly lunch for my buggie. Until then....

Bloop.

I haven't really began to figure out much with this blog, actually I have almost nothing but I suppose I am in the mood to put some words down...and it is so much easier to type than handwriting them...( pretty sad really )

I feel so out of sorts lately...good, bad, sick, crazy....I can't decide day-to-day, or even minute-to-minute! I am so stressed out most of the time ( though I really don't have a whole lot of reasons to be ) that I am on edge constantly, and I feel like I am slipping into some kind of monster mom outfit that I never wanted to wear. Cranky, Cranky, Cranky. Who knows what is going on with me...who ever knows really. Not I. And if I don't know...well, who would?

I have noticed that I am beginning to age. For the longest time I looked like a teenager...I got stares from people in the grocery store as I pushed around my then 3 year old child, because I suppose most people assumed I was a child myself...( although I think it also has a lot to do with the way I dressed...etc ) but in the last 2 years I have aged...drastically. Part of it is from having another child and yet again putting on way too much weight....leaving me with a puffy, almost swollen looking face. I have tired eyes...because well, I am tired. Always. I also think that my fiance's children living with me for almost a year also had something to do with it... ( I have never in my life known stress like that. ) I ran myself ragged trying to potty train them, teach them basic table manners, how to speak...you name it..and then of course... my significant other....We argue. Mostly silly little fights that we both know don't really mean anything, but even the most trivial fight can be draining. He travels for his job so most of our fights are over the telephone meaning we argue, say stuff we don't mean, I cry...we make up and it's over...well mostly... I am usually left with puffy eyes a headache, and no one to cuddle up to in bed to make it all better.

Don't get me wrong, I still look young for the most part... I pretty much have caught up to my actual age ( 25 ), but I still don't feel any better about it. I am a big girl who is mostly ok with it ( being big that is ) & have always prided myself on my "cute" appearance, but now I don't really know how to feel about myself. Looking in the mirror is a struggle, I see this puffy faced woman who I don't recognize. Most days ( regardless of the occasion ) I can't muster up the time or strength to pull off anything other than a messy bun...I have like one outfit I seem to always wear....in fact I have very few outfits PERIOD, and none of them look too swell so I go with what works ( sorta ). Moral of this story....I am a mess. My children are always beautifully outfitted, matching everything, daughter with matching bow's and shoes, and son with matching shoe's and whatever else ( because I am crazy and fear I might die if they do not :O ) ....but me....blah.

I feel bad that I am starting this blog out this way, but I really need to vent this. I need to vent that I feel like I look like a slob every single day, and that the worst part is....most days I don't even care ( until I do ). I don't look like myself anymore....but of course I fail to remember this is me...these days.

It's not that I don't care about myself...it's just that it's so difficult. It's difficult for ME to work my size into a budget...don't get me wrong I dig big girls...they are beautiful just like Mika says! I see so many beautiful stylishly dressed women online that it kills me! ( I have such an eye for everything other than for myself...it's nuts! ) I just cant seem to dress myself and feel good about my choices...especially when I am trying to be as thrifty as possible. Fat=expensive. I know...I know...there are amazing fatties out there who look fabulous in outfits they have found for like $2 dollars TOTAL ( and I am an amaaaazing bargain shopper in every other area as well! ) but I just can't seem to budget fat! So there is problem # 1....and I guess I am one of those glass is half empty sorta people because if the outfit is bad....why try ??? Why fix up my hair and makeup when I am wearing an old stained t-shirt and my only pair of jeans that are ripped on the bottoms? Doesn't seem worth it.

Basically...I feel like a big pile of shit. The end.

I guess I am throwing myself a pity party today because A. I am fed up with all of it, and B. I am tired of how I interact with other people ( or how they interact with me...I'm not really sure? ) and it makes me cranky. What do I mean exactly? Well...plain and simple, I don't fit in...with anyone really. I have a best friend who lives several hours away...and then of course my family ( my kids, my man, my mom...etc ) but at times life seems so very lonely. I take my children out...to parks, to school, to the library, to parties...but I am always the mom standing around looking awkward, the one that gets ignored by people..even the ones I know....you know people I went to school with for 13 years? But like I said earlier, I am not sure if it's me, them, or a little bit of both. I am pretty sure it's a combination of both. Me finding them utterly ridiculous, them finding me strange and standoffish....etc. Either way I grow tired of it. Even my own Mom excludes me...how horribly sad is that ?? She and her friends go out...of course all of their children are invited except me. I try not to make too much of a fuss about it because I feel childish even putting these feelings down....it makes me seem like some crazy uni bomber kid who carries around a huge backpack and has no friends to sit with in the lunchroom. But really...It sorta sucks.

So I suppose that is it for now. I hope that next time I am not such a whiny downer-pants., because there is nothing worse than the person who sits around complaining that no one likes them all the time :( They are usually pretty annoying. ;)